By Kevin Becker
Growing up in a quiet area of West Virginia, my parents raised me Catholic but weren’t really religious. I followed Christianity as best as I could, thinking my salvation depended on it.
In my teens, cracks began to appear in what I thought was a solid wall of faith. Beginning to accept my own sexuality, I questioned what I learned and felt something was wrong, stirring anxiety and doubt. People around me degraded homosexuality, making me feel like an outsider and excluded. Even my so-called “God” didn’t seem to accept me.
I was struck by a Bible passage Leviticus 20:13, which spoke of death and spilling blood of those who sin. It seemed such punishment was condoned, unless I repented, which would deny any real love and relationships in my life. .
That rabbit hole grew deeper. By my early 30s, I tried again to read the Bible with an open mind. Other deeply troubling passages appeared, some referring to conquering Israelites and taking sex slaves. I was horrified.
My Christian friends and family assured me these were outdated writings of the Old Testament. Still, I saw them as excuses for abusive and violent behavior. I couldn’t believe John the Apostle’s words “God is love.”
I stopped pretending to be Christian and let go of religion. Instead I studied philosophy to fill the void in my heart, which offered wisdom, but not joy.
Four years ago, I moved in with my partner Victor. We found our dream home, near the Weirton Book Company. The book store was a frequent haunt of mine. There, I found a book titled “Buddhist Scriptures” by Penguin Press, containing selections from various Buddhist traditions. Among them were writings of Honen and Shinran.
The teachings on Amida Buddha by these masters struck me like lightning, especially where Shinran talked about “one thought-moment of Shinjin” and “all are assured of birth in the Pure Land.”
Honen’s story also moved me, especially when in exile he encountered a prostitute who asked if she too could find salvation. He told her, “if you cannot escape this life, simply say the nembutsu.” I needed to know more.
In the winter of 2024, I began reading the Three Sutras of Jodo Shinshu and found that Amida Buddha judges no one. Amida’s 48 vows deeply impressed me. This is truly an enlightened being, who is all-inclusive and non-judgmental, saving all who merely recite nenbutsu, Amida’s Name, regardless of whether they are good or bad. No other conditions required. Amida’s compassion embraces all.
Anyone, anywhere can recite Amida’s Name. Deeply affected by these teachings, I began to recite the nenbutsu. Tears welled in my eyes. I finally found a home.
Day after day, I continued to recite “Namu Amida Butsu.” Instead of fear and anxiety, I felt embraced, loved and accepted.
I read an article by Reverend Miki Nakura, who wrote about his struggles and spiritual journey. I contacted him and told him I seriously wanted to pursue the Buddhist path.
A few months ago, Rev. Nakura visited and officiated a kikyoshiki Buddhist name ceremony for me, giving me the title, Shaku Jakujo, meaning “tranquility of nirvana.” From Rev. Nakura, I learned more about Shinran’s teachings.
I feel I finally found a sense of peace and a spiritual home. The teachings of Amida Buddha made sense to me, an enlightened being who saves all, without any judgment, excluding no one. I was found by the light of Amida Buddha. I too wish all beings would hear the Name and be reborn in the Pure Land.
For me now living in West Virginia, I feel Amida Buddha’s light of wisdom always shining on me. Every day, I sit in front of Amida’s image and recite nenbutsu. I sometimes chant Shōshinge or parts of other sutras. Although I know nothing is required of me, I express gratitude to Amida Buddha.
I enjoy the company of Amida Buddha. Nenbutsu connects me to Amida—I feel when voicing Amida’s name, Amida is calling to me. It’s a beautiful, almost effortless relationship. The nenbutsu encompasses all of my life experiences. If I need support, I say “Namu Amida Butsu.” If I’m sad or afraid, I say “Namu Amida Butsu.” Nenbutsu guides me to what’s most important and empowers me to move forward. May Shinran’s teachings reach all in need.
-Kevin Becker lives in West Virginia.